I have often thought I need that wonderful old t-shirt, "Frankie say relax!", to wear when I am teaching classes or attending a birth. Could you imagine? I often joke that telling someone to relax is like telling someone to calm down -- it isn't helpful, it irritates people, and it often feels accusatory or as if someone overreacted to something. In labor we must learn when to actively relax, and when to work -- here Connie offers her thoughts on the subject.
If you were to believe the movies –- coping in labor means that you look like “The Buddha of Birth.” You sit in a lotus position, gently breathing, eyes closed. People in the birthing room often think that if the laboring person is doing well, they are completely quiet and deeply relaxed during each contraction.
While that might be nice, it is an unrealistic expectation of someone who is working hard! And that is what Labor is – Work! When I go to the gym, I see lots of people working hard. They don’t look relaxed at all. They make noises, move around and look to others for encouragement and assistance. Why do we expect less of a person giving birth?
Real coping in labor often looks and sounds like someone at the gym, especially during a contraction. But remember, a contraction lasts for about a minute. Then there will be several minutes that there is No Work to Be Done because the contraction is over. That is when we can relax!
Having a doula there to remind to you let go, release, and relax between contractions helps you to feel more in control. It allows you to rest and restore, so that when the next contraction comes, you have more energy to work with it -- more confidence and less fear.
It may help between contractions to think: “My forehead is relaxed. My shoulders are dropped. I sink down into my pillow. I am at rest.” Your support team can say these words to you to help you relax when you actually need to. In this way, then (if you want to be!) you can be “The Buddha of Birth”!
Connie Sultana is grateful to the 900 families that have taught her about relaxation in birth. Connie is a DONA Birth Doula Trainer, former member of the Board of Directors of DONA, a Lamaze Childbirth Educator and a trainer for Passion for Birth, a Lamaze Accredited Childbirth Educator Training. Learn more about her by visiting her website.
♥ four young boys and a boy dog (offspring)