Day 30: What I Learned About Birth from My Mom

I remember, growing up, hearing my mom's stories of birth. I knew I was a breech baby born vaginally, as was my next sibling after me. My mother had 5 children, and what really stuck with me was, "You can deal with anything for one minute," in regards to contractions. Amy's mother had a very different first experience with a truly life-threatening condition. I love that Amy's mother was not only able to instill aspects of normal birth in her daughter, but that as a woman who had cesarean births, she felt healing as she witnessed the birth of her grandchildren. 

Every April is Cesarean Awareness Month.   Cesareans of course are sometimes necessary and in some instances can be a lifesaving procedure for the mother, baby or both.  In my work as a doula I have attended a number or Cesarean births and one of my favorite clients to work with are moms who are planning a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) birth.

A lot of people assume that because I am a doula that I am anti-intervention and therefore anti-cesarean.  Believe it or not I am personally very thankful for Cesarean’s because my mother and I would not be here today without them.  I was born by an emergency, lifesaving Cesarean.

While my mother was pregnant with me she experienced a complication called placenta previa.  Placenta Previa happens when the placenta is low in the uterus and either partially or completely covers the cervix.  In her situation it completely covered the cervix.  This complication is a true medical indication for a Cesarean birth.  It’s dangerous for the mother to even go into labor.

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My mother was told she wouldn’t go into labor but would start bleeding first and to come immediately into the hospital when that happened.  She had been hospitalized earlier in the pregnancy for bleeding.  On June 3rd (due date was July 14th ) she started experiencing contractions, as a first time mom who was told she wouldn’t go into labor she didn’t realize what was happening.

She was staying with my grandma while my dad was at work and in the afternoon my grandma noticed her stopping to breathe through contractions and took her straight to the hospital.  Upon arrival she was checked and was fully dilated.  Things really got busy at that point as the doctor came in to do an emergency cesarean on her.  The doctor yelled at her for eating lunch while in labor because they needed to put her to sleep.  The nurse insisted that I had no heartbeat as my mom was being wheeled into surgery.  She was put to sleep right after the nurse said “I don’t know where that doctor thinks he’s hearing a heartbeat at.  This baby is already gone.”

Needless to say we both made it though.  I was a preemie but did great.  I didn’t even need oxygen.  My mom still talks about what a frightening experience my birth was.  She woke up assuming that she had lost her baby.  She had a really rough recovery after and woke up many times asking what happened to me and being reminded that I was ok.

Now for what I learned from my mom about birth.  My mom was never afraid to talk to us about her birth experiences.  I’m thankful for that.  Even with the dramatic way I entered this world I was not fearful of giving birth when my time to birth came because of her.  She talked to us about her disappointment in never getting to birth her babies.

She went on to have two more children both scheduled cesareans.  With my brother the youngest she was thankful for being able to have a spinal and be awake to hear his first cries.  She searched for a provider to have a VBAC with my brother but due to the fact that she had a classical uterine incision they felt it was too risky for her to attempt.

She always talked to us about what birth was supposed to be like.  Empowering, amazing and beautiful.

She was present for 4 out of her 5 grandchildren’s births.  She says it was healing for her to experience those births.  With the births of my children she was so supportive and helpful I can’t imagine not having had her there.

My dream is that my daughter and someday maybe my granddaughter’s won’t fear birth and that they will embrace it as a life affirming, empowering event that my mother taught us it could be.

I gave birth to my daughter Maura in late 2005, an experience that led me to become a doula. When my son Ryan was born in April 2008, the process did not work out as well as I had planned, but this only served to reinforce my desire to help as many women have the birth they've always wanted.

My goal is for women to feel empowered by their birth experience. Women need to believe in their bodies and the natural process of childbirth, and nothing makes me happier than to be a part of their blessed arrival. In addition to my work as a doula, I am a Hypnobabies instructor, and a local ICAN chapter leader. Visit my website or Facebook page to learn more.

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