Emily is one of my closest doula friends. I was sad to see her scale back some of her birth activities to better fit her family's needs, as I know these activities bring her genuine joy and give her respite from the daily mom-grind. But seasons do truly come and go -- we cycle in and out of being ready and not being ready, for the opportunities life brings. Emily has such a loving, open heart -- I have every confidence, with patience and timing, she will achieve all her dreams.
Have you ever had a dream tucked so neatly inside of you that you almost overlooked it? Something that took years of baby-stepping, life experiences, and moments of solitude to really awaken? And then, after the dramatic awakening of a new beginning, the sudden need to tuck that dream securely away again – maybe for a season, but maybe forever.
Midwifery school was that dream for me. This dream was born when I became a doula 7 years ago. But I didn’t know it then. A little more than a year ago I began attending births with my midwife, my mentor, in her birth center.
It was seeing her in action that allowed me to unpack the fullness of my dream. We had many discussions about the depth of the calling of a midwife. The beauty and demands of the work. The logistics of schooling and clinical work. I had even taken a big step and applied to a midwifery college, for the Fall 2017 term.
Then life happened.
As my family has evolved, and the birth of my last child dictated the ebb and flow of my professional life, it became clear that I was needed more as Mom than Midwife. I had to make the choice to serve my family, before serving other families.
It is a strange feeling to give up on something that has just begun, but already begun to unleash the power of great transformation. The time had come to tuck that dream away again. So now, I sit and wonder if that dream has come and gone.
Is it forever?
Is it for a season?
Where can I hold the power of that dream while it waits?
Emily Willett is a doula, childbirth educator, and breastfeeding counselor and owner of Mommy Matters in Bakersfield, CA. She is the current chair of the Bakersfield Birth Network, and works at Bakersfield's only free-standing birth center. Always increasing her knowledge-base, she strives to familiarize herself with evidence-based information and practice. Emily is the mother to four children, including a breech baby born safely at home with the assistance of a midwife (when it was still lawful).
♥ four young boys and a boy dog (offspring)