By Any Other Name...
Today Sharon Muza shares one of her most embarrassing moments as a doula. We can all recall our missteps -- those times we wish we would have done something a little differently, said something else, or held that poker face a bit more tightly. We are human, and these things will happen. All we can do is laugh at ourselves when appropriate, and try to do better the next time!
As a doula, I always try to do my best. And sometimes, doing my best results in funny outcomes. I am sure that we all could share a funny story or two about our birth work. This is one of my favorites.
I had been at a birth of some clients. I was with them for about 15 hours. It was a perfectly normal birth, things moved along as they should, and a baby was born. I took my leave at the appropriate time, said my goodbyes and made my way home to rest and return to the rest of my life, which as you know, had been put on hold. It was mid morning, and I took a quick nap, thinking I would just go to bed early that night.
Another baby had a different idea. I received a call from a client about four hours after I got home from that first birth and soon joined another family at a different hospital. This birth took a bit longer and I was with family number two for about 24 hours, including through what was now my second consecutive night of missed sleep.
This baby arrived and once again, after providing post birth support, I began to say my goodbyes with baby number two and its family. It had been a long 24 hour birth (after a long 15 hour birth) and I was now officially and totally wiped out and ready to throw myself in bed for a long sleep.
As I was heading for the door, I looked back over my shoulder for one last goodbye. I called out “Goodbye Samantha, goodbye Jason, I will talk to you tomorrow.”
Before I could open the door and go through it, the dad called out to me. “Oh Sharon, by the way, my name is Kyle, not Jason.”
I stopped dead in my tracks. What?!?! I had been calling him Jason for the past 24 hours. How could his name not be Jason. Then it hit me. Jason was the name of the dad from the first birth I was at, the day before. This indeed was Kyle. I had called him the wrong name probably a 100 times over the past 24 hours. On the day of his child’s birth, the doula had called him by the wrong name every single time.
I was mortified when I realized what I had done. But why did no one correct me. Not the birthing person, not the partner, nor any hospital staff. Not one person questioned why I was calling Kyle by the name Jason. I had never realized my mistake due to my exhaustion and back to back births with Jason.
I did not know what to say. I mumbled some apologies and rapidly shuffled out the door. I was stunned and ashamed. What a fool.
When I saw them next at the postpartum visit, we laughed, sort of, at my mistake. They told me not to worry. I worry about this to this day, probably ten years later. I wonder why he never told me that I was using the wrong name? Why wait till I was walking out the door? I can laugh at it now, but I am still completely curious why I was not corrected. Strange but true.
Have you had strange or funny things that have happened at the births you have attended? Please share in the comments below while respecting client confidentiality.
Sharon Muza, BS, CD(DONA) BDT(DONA), LCCE, FACCE, CLE has been an active childbirth professional since 2004, teaching Lamaze classes and providing doula services to more than a thousand families through her private practice in Seattle, Washington. She is an instructor at the Simkin Center, Bastyr University where she is a birth doula trainer. Sharon is also a trainer with Passion for Birth, a Lamaze-Accredited Childbirth Educator Program. In September 2011, Sharon was admitted as a Fellow to the Academy of Certified Childbirth Educators. In 2015, Sharon was awarded Lamaze International’s Media Award for promoting safe and healthy birth. Very active in her community, serving in a variety of positions that promote maternal-infant health, Sharon enjoys active online engagement and facilitating discussion around best practice, current research and its practical application to community standards and actions by health care providers, and how that affects families in the childbearing year. Sharon has been an engaging speaker at international conferences on topics of interest to birth professionals and enjoys collaborating with others to share ideas and information that benefit birth professionals and families. To learn more about Sharon, you are invited to visit her website, SharonMuza.com.
I have always loved music. I love when families incorporate music into their birth experiences. In fact, the other day I was at a postpartum visit where Mom and Grandma were asking all sorts of important questions about life with baby, and Dad interjected, seriously: "I have a question..." Long pause. "Should I be playing her country music around the clock now?" I laughed, and answered back with a question of my own, "Do you listen to country music? I wish I would have known that before I agreed to be your doula." They do listen to county music, and their baby's birth happened over the weekend of Stagecoach Festival, an important event in their lives as music lovers. As a Music Therapist and Birth Doula, Kate offers compelling reasons and creative ways to bring music to birth -- I know I can't wait to learn more.
Music is an accessible, adaptable, and valuable tool for comfort during birth because music is a whole-brain- whole body experience. A holistic resource like music can reach the many needs of a family in labor: physical, neurological, spiritual, emotional, social -- even environmental by shaping the birthing space. There are so many reasons music for birth is just.so.awesome! And the music we choose for birth can be really impactful and powerful. As leaders in health care, music therapists have demonstrated how accessible and enriching music can be for improving quality of life, rehabilitation and healing. As a doula and music therapist, I’m entrusted to bring the music to the birth environment and I use it as therapy -- a prompt for change, discovery and self-expression. To be clear, music therapy for birth comes in many forms. I use my voice, my body, and at times various instruments through live musical interactions whenever appropriate. Yet, most often during the labor and delivery stage, music enters the space as pre-recorded playlists. Music is more portable and higher quality than ever before. So every time my phone beeps or buzzes in the middle of the night, I make sure my speaker is charged, my client’s custom birth playlists are downloaded, and that I am ready to help deliver one of my favorite birth bag resources: the music.
So for the birth workers and parents out there who are considering using music as birth support, I’ll share my top three reasons why the music you choose in childbirth matters.
1. Music can support comfort and relaxation during birth to reduce pain perception, optimize hormone release and steady breathing. I was privileged to attend a birth where the mother, so calm and so peaceful, took deep, slow, controlled breaths and did not need to push her baby into this world. Instead, the power of her breathing and the rhythm of her pulsing contractions, very simply, very gently, guided her baby out. Her vocal and guttural instincts were validated through the singer and supported by her beautiful lyrical mantra. The rhythm of the music helped the mother’s body entrain and progress, to open and release her baby gently into this world. Music has been shown to support, entrain and influence many dimensions of childbirth. So if there is music out there that will support this, do you think there is music out there that might work against the birth process, making birth more painful, longer and unsteady? Most likely there is, but this will be different for every person. This is why it’s important that doulas and birthing families recognize how every song you plan to use makes the birthing team feel, move, breathe and think -- tall order and a big responsibly. It is important to know favorites and to know what music typically is not preferred. It’s also important to know the difference between just streaming any “birth” playlist, and using carefully chosen songs to purposefully impact birth.
2. Music supports ANY type of birth. Regardless of what type or style is preferred, music can be incorporated into any birth plan and pairs nicely will ALL childbirth techniques. I collaborate with couples to create the most customized and comfortable playlists for birth no matter what type of birth they have planned. Many of my tips for using music work no matter how families plan to birth; active breathing, passive hypnosis, partner supported, even planned surgical deliveries. Everyone’s birth rhythm is different. This is why the music should reflect the goals for birth and the stage of birth. Feel like movement will make a difference? You’ll need a steady rhythm or a beat. Need to sleep? Try a single instrument or vocal tone to help lull the brain to deep relaxation. Epic contractions? Why not try that romantic soundtrack for support of vocal moaning? As a music therapist, I provide guidance in making the best song choices from preferred and familiar music to shape birth playlists to suit birth plans and personalities while maximizing the therapeutic potential of the music to support birth at home, in hospitals or during cesarean sections. In fact, music in the operating room and a doula by your side can make cesarean births calmer, more memorable and family centered.
3. Music will create unforgettable bonds with baby before and at the time of birth. As a whole brain stimulus, music is a window into great realms of creativity, self-awareness and healing. I’ve witnessed families experience the importance of prenatal sound together in music, making art, moving through the stages of grief and life and love; all initiated by a song. At the moment of birth the music can become part of the baby’s and parents' permanent memory landscape, a neurological imprint if you will. A carefully chosen playlist of songs can help families revisit the memories at any time, rejoicing in the happiness or healing from difficulties that were faced in labor. Along with supporting the biological imperative of bonding after birth, music can also etch the vibrations of your family birth song in your minds and on your heart, forever. Parents are always reporting back to Creative Childbirth Concepts® that they continue to use their custom playlists as they transition into the reality of raising a baby. Together they continue to explore and use their favorite music as a resource for parenting. Parents report music was an integral part to their therapeutic prenatal preparation. Their music playlists were magical in how they connected them as a team, shaped their environment and created lifelong memories as a soundtrack to their birth. The music helped heal their past birth experiences. The music helped them anticipate their fears and anxiety and work through them by supporting imagery and reflection. The music was “theirs” and the music was therapeutic. It CHANGED their births. This is why I believe the music we choose for childbirth matters.
I believe in the power of music at the moment of birth. I believe in the power of music for supporting the prenatal experience. I believe in the power of music bonding, to process fears, to address anxieties. And I believe in you: I trust that those of you who use music, make music, and incorporate music into birth already are capable of making awesome choices and using intuition when working in the moment. I trust that those of you who are invested in learning more will seek knowledge and integrate it into the best music choices possible. But I also believe it’s important for you to know that there is a growing number of perinatal music therapists out there who are here to guide you whenever advice is needed. We really do want to help make birth better through music. Connect with me and I’ll share my favorite birthing music with you!
It’s your birth. Be Creative.™
Kate Taylor, MA, MTBC is a birth doula, board certified music therapist and owner of Creative Childbirth Concepts® in Chicago IL. Kate provides perinatal music therapy services and assists families through labor and delivery as a birth doula. Kate provides creative supervision for music therapists and mentors birth professionals around the globe. She is passionate about educating others about music for childbirth and helps empower families through music, movement and other creative arts during infertility, pregnancy, birth, even during new parenting adventures. Visit www.birthmusic.net for more information or connect on facebook with: Creative Childbirth Concepts® Music Therapy & Doula Services. In depth YouTube interviews, blog radio interviews, and audio podcasts of Kate are also available for you to learn more about her music therapy assisted childbirth practices, doula work and personal journey as a birth worker.
The first thing that I'd want to do...
♥ four young boys and a boy dog (offspring)