I'm sure we have all heard different myths about doulas -- whether it's thinking doulas catch babies like midwives, or they come together to dance beneath the full moon -- there are a lot of misconceptions out there. Becky amazes me -- not only is she a comic genius when it comes to doula humor, her graphic art choice is the perfect medium to convey her message. She addresses common myths about doulas, and leaves us full of happy feelings for the work we do.
There is often confusion over what a doula is. Many times I have talked with couples nervous about a doula possibly taking over their birth. They are afraid that a doula may guilt them into a certain type of birthing. To add a little silliness I have illustrated examples below with my subpar Window’s Paint skills. These show the differences between someone that will fight against your birth, a duel-a you could call her, and a doula, or birth support for your choices.
This may be new to you, but doulas are not just for natural birth. They are for anyone wanting more support for their birth. Doulas are helpful in cesarean births, medicated births, natural births, hospital births, home births, single parent moms, and so much more. Whether you have a plan or not, we are here for you, no light sabers involved. Note: In the odd case that you want light sabers at your birth, we can help you with that. We do not discriminate against nerds; we just won’t use them to stop your choices.
The next concern often had regarding doulas: "But I want my husband involved. I want him to intuitively know what I need.” If he helped start this baby business, then it totally makes sense to want him right there involved in the birth.
Can I tell you my secret? We LOVE it when dads are hands-on and involved. It is our biggest goal to facilitate the best connection between you and your partner. We know that dad helps get the oxytocin and birthing hormones going. Some men need a little direction along the way. They are new to this. Our job isn’t to replace dad, it’s to help him help you best. If dad isn’t there this works the same for grandmas and friends. We will not erupt in flames if someone else gives you counter-pressure.
I met with a doctor today. He was a little on-guard, and he felt the need to explain how he goes out of the way to help his patients. Sadly, too many providers have met some kind of duel-a, or have heard stories of them. All he knew was that I was a doula and he assumed that I had a negative view of him as a doctor. In reality, I have yet to meet a provider that did not want the best for mom and baby. Sometimes they have differing opinions on care, and different points of view, but they all care. Doulas are not out to defy anything medically related. We need the medical team so that we can focus on emotional support and comfort for mom and the family.
Doulas work with mom’s birth team to help her best reach her desires. Doulas will encourage you to choose a provider that you feel you can trust that you can work with together. They encourage mom to ask questions, find evidence-based information, think over benefits and risks, and if needed, help mom stand up for herself. Our job is not to have a show down with the medical staff. Our job is not to speak for you. Our job is to help you get the information you need to make choices, and to support you as you speak for yourself.
I am not a duel-a. I am not out to fight or prove anything. I am a doula -- a supporter of women, babies and families.
Becky Hartman serves as a birth, postpartum, and bereavement doula, birth and pregnancy photographer, Benkung belly binder, and energy worker. She has been shaped by her own births, and the realization that education factors into creating an empowering experience. Becky strongly believes women can follow their hearts and they will know the decisions that are right for their situations. She encourages families to learn, explore, develop ideas, and then go with the flow of their birth experience. Becky lives with her family in Clearfield, Utah.
What a pleasure to feature Yiska's piece on self-care! The longer I stay working as a doula, the more I realize the value in taking care of me -- and it seems to get harder each passing year. As a new doula, I bounced back from births more quickly, feeling like Super Girl. Now I drag myself around for a couple days as I try to fit back into the pace of my (still-running-around-me) life. Yiska has a gentle heart that is bursting with ideas and eagerness to help not only birthing families, but also those who support those birthing families.
The topic of self-care is an essential one for any care-giver. As doulas in particular, we’re always telling our clients to make self-care a priority, but do we listen to our own advice? There are some obvious and some less obvious ways doulas can take good care of ourselves. The following are the top 4 areas, in my book, for doula self-care…nourishment, body posture, recovery practices, and emotional self-care.
Packing healthy nourishing foods for births and staying hydrated is priority number one. Some great portable meal and snack ideas include protein bars, hard boiled eggs, yogurt, a thermos of bone broth or other soups, homemade nutrient dense smoothies, fresh fruits, trail mix, coconut butter packets, almond butter and jelly sandwiches, etc. A helpful tip here is to avoid peanut butter because it’s such a common allergen and keep stinky foods tucked away.
Emergen-C packets are a great way to keep your immune system boosted and I started mixing mine with CALM magnesium packets as well. Some use magnesium to help them sleep but the reason it works for that is because it calms the nervous system. I found myself feeling way less strung out and more grounded as a result of adding this to the mix. Both powders dissolve in water and you can nurse the drink anytime throughout the birth.
Bottom line is, staying hydrated is key to sustaining our well-being. Whether you’re a coconut water lover or into the vitamin c and magnesium mixture, keeping your own water bottle nearby will help ensure you don’t end up dehydrated, just like your clients. Hospitals are notoriously dry too!
2. Body Posture
When I first started doula-ing, I would get myself into all sorts of contorted positions trying to support my clients. Part of the reason I teach comforting touch for birth the way I do is based on what I’ve learned over the years around taking care of my own body even while I serve my clients.
Now, if I get twisted up trying to support a client, after the next contraction, I make sure we all adjust our positioning so I can face their back or hips head on, without compromising my own well-being. There’s always a way to find a win-win, but we need to be willing to include ourselves and our needs as well. It doesn’t have to be us or them.
One of my biggest tips in this vein is to use your body weight when offering comforting touch. Rather than muscling your way through a counter pressure or massage technique, lean your body into and onto your client, taking advantage of gravity. This approach tends to feel more enveloping, intimate, safe, warming and less effortful, all adding to the comfort value.
Watch this video from my Comforting Touch for Birth guidebook as an example of how to adapt your double hip squeeze so you’re straining your muscles less and leaning in more. Both you and your clients will appreciate the difference.
3. Recovery Practices
Taking time for recovery after a long birth, double-header or simply being up all night is crucial to keeping up with this work and life in general. Some approaches are as simple as a healthy meal, a bath or shower and a long, uninterrupted sleep. If you’re still on call, look into ways to program your phone to ring only for your “favorites”, and put those clients on that list. I also turn my text tones off and let my on-call clients know they must actually call me if they need me. This way I’m not woken up by unnecessary text message notifications.
The biggest thing here is to be kind with yourself and allow yourself the time it takes to recovery your energy and catch up. Some births will be more taxing than others. Many doulas feel the time they need to recover increases over time, so adjusting to what we need as we need it often takes self-compassion as we adapt our expectations. Just as you’d advise a client to be gentle with themselves postpartum and relax expectations, we could use the same advice in the days following a birth.
Additional practices I’ve found helpful in the days following a birth including getting a massage or acupuncture, taking a yoga class, a trip to the local Korean spa, and a magnesium float. Just like it helps to calm the nervous system when you drink it, flotation or sensory deprivation tanks can be found in most major cities. The intense concentration of magnesium salts makes you float while you rest for an hour in a dark, sound proof room, as if in the womb. I can’t think of a better way to recover from a birth than going back to the womb!
If any of these fee-based recovery practices appeal to you, the key is to budget for them just as you budget for childcare or travel expenses and include the cost in your doula fee. Self-care is including ourselves in the equation of care financially too.
Finally, for a great restorative exercise, visit my blog post on constructive rest here.
Emotional self-care is just what it sounds like. As we mentioned above, being kind with ourselves both after as well as during births is one way to care for ourselves. Doulas are drawn to this work for many reasons, but at the crux of it all, we care. We care about women and we care about birth. Sometimes, when there’s only so much we can do, it can be hard to accept the things that lie outside the realm of our care, responsibility, experience-level, or control. Births can stir up a lot.
Making time to talk about our experiences with friends or colleagues is often helpful. Whether we’re feeling uncertain about something we did or traumatized by something that happened, expressing it will always lighten the load. Journaling is another great way to process the emotional content of births. However we do it, giving ourselves space and time and permission to feel our feelings is hands-down one of the greatest acts of self-care there is.
I hope these suggestions help you add a few new things to your self-care tool-box or simply serve as a reminder, so you can continue to do your work feeling healthy and strong. You deserve it!
Yiska Obadia-Gedal is a proud, been-at-this-for-more-than-half-her-life massagapuncturist, oxytocin-fiending, Comforting-Touch obsessing, doula, wife, friend, writer, teacher, rockin’ Moroccan, dance-loving, wannabe-mama and one of the world’s best huggers (or so she's been told)! She has trained in Israel, China, Maryland, and New York, but calls NYC home.
Yiska is the creator behind Comforting Touch for Birth Workshops and the subsequent guidebook -- a comprehensive curriculum for doulas and expectant parents. These resources are designed as tools to give partners and doulas confidence, skills, and ease in offering hands-on labor support, regardless of experience level.
"Birth is one of those rare life experiences where power and vulnerability live side by side. That is all! To touch that. To touch others who touch that, is my great pleasure and honor."
Did you know, those fabulous statistics we read about regarding "continuous one-to-one emotional support provided by...a doula," don't diminish if the person in labor also happens to be a doula? That's right! Even doulas hire other doulas, because we know EVERYONE deserves a doula -- even a doula. Are you tired of the word doula yet? Because it happens to be World Doula Week, and I am pretty positive the "d" word will be prolifically used herein -- fair warning! Now, settle back and read why doulas choose to have that unique support and help only doulas bring to birth.
Other reasons are longer, and they still make a lot of sense:
"Preparing for my fifth baby I considered a doula. However, my husband has been such a great support and I found myself using all the common reasons not to have a doula. I worried it may interfere with the dynamic between me and my awesome, supportive husband. I worried about expense. I also have precipitous labors and didn't know if I'd be able to make it to the hospital, much less if my doula would make it. I spent much of my pregnancy helping my own doula clients plan their births. Yet I struggled to focus on my own. Finally I realized that I needed some help to focus and plan on my birth. Talking with my doula was invaluable. She helped calm my fears and work through trauma from a previous birth. I still didn't know if she would be able to make it in time but having her help me prepare and knowing she would be there to help me process afterwards was a big comfort. I also knew that I could use all the hands I could get for counter pressure. When my birth came, it was longer than expected. It was wonderful to have someone that knew what I meant when I asked for different counter pressures or rebozo techniques. She read my mind so I didn't have to verbalize each step. I was able to hold onto my husband while she gave counter pressure -- to hug him while still having the comfort measures. In transition I was grateful for multiple hands providing relief. I have birthed four times without a doula. I have supported countless families as a doula myself. However, having a doula for my fifth baby, I will never personally go back to not having one again. There is always a use for one. You never know what may happen or how useful a doula may be."
-Becky Hartman is a doula, photographer, and energy worker in Davis County, Utah. She just birthed her 5th baby this past week, so this is all fresh in her mind! To learn more, visit her website and go "like" her Facebook page.
Sometimes the decision seems made for you:
"I didn't actively choose to have a doula for my births -- it just happened that the universe provided them. They were just the right amount of hands-off until absolutely necessary, and then hands-off again -- which is exactly how I work. I felt so relieved I could let myself fall into the network provided for me by my community. I'm eternally grateful to these women who gifted me their work, both emotional and physical! My midwives through the years have been amazing support, as well. There's nothing I would change about my births, thanks to their skilled care."
Bryna Sampey is the creator behind the Portland-based Doula My Soul. Always about community, she and the others at Doula My Soul offer birth and postpartum doula support, breastfeeding help, classes, and more.
Seeing mom working so hard to bring their baby out? Making noises that seem more appropriate coming from a howling monkey instead of a human? Watching things that maybe one has only seen on Discovery Health Channel through half-closed eyes? The blood, sweat, and tears of it all? Does that answer your question?
Birth is an amazingly transformative event in the life of the family. As a doula and an educator, of course I relish in the whole thing and view baby's emergence as a spiritual experience unlike any other. I am comfortable with the noises of labor and the sound of hard work -- the music which accompanies this great act. Not everyone is, though, and not everyone feels sure about the birth process and the safety of their partner, the laboring person.
My husband and I have been married 21 years. On our 11th wedding anniversary we found ourselves seated across the table from each other at a Chinese food restaurant. At this point we had three of our four boys, the youngest just a year old. I decided to start the conversation.
"I want us to think about our time together, and take inventory of our relationship, our family, and our lives." My husband suddenly looked like a he walked into a pop quiz. He didn't look eager to answer my probing questions. I was joking, but this did lead to one question that had been on my mind lately: "Well, answer this for me -- did you enjoy being at our babies' births, or would you have rather waited outside until it was over?" Being a birth-lover, I knew what answer I wanted to hear -- did I have it within me to hear the other answer, too?
"Honestly, I would have liked to come in when it was all over." I did kind of know this, I don't know why I was expecting to hear that other answer. I love my husband, and to his credit, he never left me needing or wanting more during labor; coupled with my doula's support, he was my main pillar of strength. I know he appreciated my doula's way of caring for me, of anticipating my next whim, of comforting not only me, but also him.
The realization set in that labor and birth is not everyone's cup of tea.
I have seen partners, unsure in the beginning, actually put a glove on and check Mom's cervix (with the help of a wonderfully encouraging midwife). I have seen a dad be the first to touch his baby's little head as it peaked ever-so-slightly out. I have even seen a baby tumble out into a dad's strong hands. But a partner does not have to do any of that to be involved and to show his or her love for the laboring person. Hands are important, but the location of hands is not. Hands on hair, hands on forehead, hands on back -- hands on hands -- can be accomplished by a birth partner at any comfort level. Touch is the goal -- touch and loving words.
In my husband's case, he held my hands during the most intense parts of labor, and he encouraged me with his voice; sterile gloves were not needed for either.
I recently had an inquiry into my doula services. Knowing there was a slight chance I might be out of town for a couple days around this couple’s EDD, I offered a partnering situation, where a second doula and I share all the pre-birth responsibilities, and then whoever is most available attends the birth and the follow-up visit (for more information about ways to work with other doulas, contact me). In a case like this, we split the deposit, both attend all prenatals, and then have a way of determining who will most likely arrive at the birth (sometimes this is as simple as who is more rested in the case of another recent doula birth, sometimes we wait and see who the family contacts first, and sometimes it is just a pre-arranged agreement between doulas). The family agreed with this type of arrangement, so I contacted a doula friend, asked if she were game, and all of us met for an interview.
The partner I selected for this birth is much my junior in the birth world. We had recently partnered for a birth where I was asked to help a young mother-to-be in foster care – there were no funds for doula support, yet this situation was too important to let that stop me. Knowing I had a pretty busy birth schedule, I asked this doula if she would partner with me for this volunteer birth, and she heartily agreed. I loved her style, her knowledge, her heart. She has a real passion for serving, and I can’t wait to work with her more.
Our interview went well. The family originally found me through my website. They were impressed that I kept an active blog, and they appreciated my experience, certifications, and the seriousness with which I take this work. The expectant father is someone who deals a lot with numbers – he is a numbers guy. He did seem concerned that I might be out of town during their due-week. I also live about 40 minutes away from the hospital where the couple would be birthing, and my partner lived about 10 – this was another number for the expectant dad to absorb and think about. The expectant mother, because it was her second baby and she had a fast-paced job where she gets little rest and is always on her feet, had practically been assured by her doctor her baby would be early. With the dual coverage provided, and knowing babies don’t generally come lightning-fast, she seemed very comfortable with how the situation would work out.
Upon ending the interview, the expectant mother basically said, “Thanks for taking the time to meet with us. I will call you tomorrow to let you know how we want to proceed. But I am feeling pretty good about all of this.”
My partner and I walked away feeling really positive about the meeting, and we said our good-byes.
The next day came and went, and I didn’t receive a call. Because this family was due within a month or so, this day passing without hearing from them was a tiny, pink flag to me. The following day, I did get a call from the expectant mother. I could tell by her tone she was having a hard time putting her words together. That’s when I knew for certain: they were not choosing me. Okay, that sounds weird, as we were already aligned to work as partners. But I could sense they wanted to alter the design, and being as mine was the only contact information they had, that meant they had to, essentially, go through me to get to my partner.
Talk about awkward! I held the reins here. The expectant mother explained, it really came down to me possibly being gone, and that 40 minutes of driving for me to reach the hospital – her partner was not comfortable with these numbers (maybe they felt a better connection to the other doula? And if so, they did not mention this, but she is amazing, so of course it could add to their reasons, but they did not say that to me). I stopped the woman, as she was uncomfortably offering a finder’s fee, and apologizing all over the place – I knew she felt bad and this was hard for her to do. I told her one of my core values as a doula is that families find the doula who is right for them, and that won’t always be me. I hold true to that, and I really believe I get the clients I am meant to get.
I assuaged this mother’s guilt as best as I could. I told her not to worry about it one more minute. I gave her the other doula’s information, then asked if I could talk to my partner doula first? She agreed. I wished her well, again told her I was happy they found a match that felt comforting, and said good-bye.
Then I dialed my partner doula.
She was in disbelief, knowing I had more experience, and that the family found her through me. She was also extremely apologetic and humble. I assured her this family was firm in their decision, and I told her she should take the time to feel good! She was chosen! Relish in that and feel proud! I said I appreciated her being gentle with me, sounding and feeling disappointed and surprised, questioning their choice, and I wanted her to let it go to her head a bit – celebrate! I knew she would be a great doula for them, and I could honestly say I was happy with how things turned out.
I do, absolutely, feel everyone deserves a doula, and that doula won’t always be me. Families come in all shapes, sizes, and situations, and they have ever-branching needs. I feel confident in the work I do and the care I have to offer. And I know so many other incredible doulas I can say the same about. It is more important to me that we support families than I be the one supporting all the families. Because of this, I can still be happy and gracious when the right one is not me.
Veronica's piece reminds me of a quote I received from a dad: "Hiring a doula was the best decision we made. It turned out to be way more important than what color we painted the nursery, what kind of crib we got, or cloth or disposable diapers. Stacie helped us so much the day Joshua was born. Whoever you are, wherever you are, unless you have had 16 kids, your mom's a midwife, and you're an obstetrician, you need a doula (and maybe even if that does describe you, you still need a doula!)." As doulas we recognize partners are in all different places, and the ability of a doula to make up the difference is her unique addition to the birth team.
This month is International Doula Month, and as such, I’ve been thinking about what I really wanted to say about doulas that I maybe haven’t said before. There have been a few interactions I’ve had lately that really got me thinking, although this is nothing I haven’t thought about before or even mentioned in classes.
We expect FAR too much from dads during birth.
So, here’s the deal:
Back in the day, like 130 years ago or more, when a woman went into labor, the local midwife would come into her home. The mom’s female friends and family would come to help– they would prepare her a birth space, soothe her, help keep her fed, hydrated, and reassure her. Birth was a normal part of life, something that most woman would be familiar with long before it came time for them to give birth as well.
I’ll say this again: Birth was a normal part of life.
The role of a birth doula is to try to bring into the picture those women who were very experienced when it came to birth. Unless you’ve been around a couple of women as they give birth before, birth is a pretty weird process that no amount of videos can ever prepare you for. So while I’m not saying we should go back to the time when it was considered “improper” for men to witness births, I’m saying that the idea of a partner having to bear the responsibility of caring for emotionally and physically supporting a mom through birth is unfair to everyone– it’s unfair to the partner, it’s unfair to the mother, and it’s unfair to the baby.
We have mounting evidence of dads (there is no info out on same-sex partners) experiencing PTSD as a result of being at the birth of their babies. Even if there aren’t ANY complications, while we should try very hard to prepare partners to be active participants at birth, there’s nothing to really prepare anyone for the twists and turns of birth. Doulas can’t predict how a birth will go, but they are prepared to walk the journey with families, no matter what that ends up looking like. Doulas provide that reassurance to EVERYONE during the process, no matter what, helping reduce trauma.
Doulas aren’t emotionally attached, nor do they have to bear the responsibility for the medical care being provided.
Hiring a doula isn’t a value judgment on the state of your relationship; in fact, having a doula can help provide the space and time for those critical moments during labor and birth that can bring couples closer together.
Hiring a doula will not take away from a partner’s role at birth; having a doula present will give him more confidence to be involved in a way that he’s comfortable with.
Hiring a doula means that the laboring mother will have what’s very biologically normal– the care and support of an experienced woman who will stay with her through the whole process.
Hiring a doula isn’t a luxury. Hiring a doula should not be a status symbol. Hiring a doula should not be political. Hiring a birth doula is a logical, critical, SMART choice that can help ensure that no matter what happens at a birth, everyone in the room was able to benefit from the professionalism and reassurance and care that a birth doula provides.
I believe in birth doula care SO MUCH that I have created a non-profit that, in addition to providing mental health services, provides doula care on a free and sliding-fee basis.
Hire a doula. It’s important.
Veronica Jacobsen, BA, CD(DONA), CLC, CPST, LCCE, FACCE, Owner, BabyLove, Executive Director, The BabyLove Alliance, Ltd.
Veronica started with a B.A. in English and a Certificate in Asian Studies from Saint Anselm College in Manchester, NH. After the birth of her daughter, she attended the training to become a doula in November 2006, and became a certified doula through DONA in August of 2007. Veronica was so in love with helping families with birth that she became a Lamaze Certified Childbirth Educator in December of 2007. In April of 2008, she trained to become a Certified Lactation Counselor, and earned the designation of a CLC by the Academy of Lactation Policy and Practice. Veronica taught childbirth, breastfeeding, and sibling classes at a small hospital in Rochester, MN. She has also worked as a volunteer birth doula and still provides support to mothers who are experiencing a suspected miscarriage through a local hospital program.
“I take great joy in helping mothers with traumatic or disappointing birth experiences that require extra support and understanding, and I love to help every family through this wonderful journey!”
In my classes, I have an activity I am pretty sure I learned in my Passion For Birth training where parents are encouraged to draw their ideas for birth. Taking left-brain concepts (hospital stays and medical procedures) and using right-brain-directed activities (drawing and coloring) blends our thinking and enables us to synthesize ideas, versus analyze them. What's the difference? When you analyze something, you have a singular focus on it and it alone.
Imagine being worried about having an unneeded, unwanted, unwarned-about episiotomy. Analyzing this can lead to worrying it might happen to you, without much recourse or thought into the bigger picture of how to prepare to avoid it. Synthesizing takes many pieces of information and plugs them into a bigger picture. In the case of episiotomy, you can learn when they are medically necessary, ways to prevent them during labor (for example, avoiding getting over-hydrated) and second stage (avoiding purple pushing and being more upright), your doctor's opinion and habits, and your birth location's statistics.
Here are pictures from students in my Chico, CA classes (I currently offer Lamaze childbirth classes in Bakersfield, Visalia, Hanford, Tulare, and many places in between and beyond).
I like the labor length and time-line for being home and being at the hospital.
A collaboration by Mom and Dad. I loved what I called The Parthenon -- it actually did represent support! What a great way to draw such an intangible idea!
Very neat and organized! All we need are some boxes next to each item and this would be a great packing list!
Another picture a mom and dad drew together. See the stairs? They are scaling the wall. The rainbow on the right Dad said, "represents God's love and presence." So many great symbols!
"Ninja Birth." A dad-to-be drew this. He and his partner were on the same page of wanting a normal birth free of unneeded interventions. She was gentle and calm in her desires -- he pictured worst-case scenario, including ninjas and Chinese stars.
So of course, sometimes these pictures get silly. But when you remember the role of the partner is one of protector, it makes sense. As a group we process and interpret the images, and families share why they chose what they did and what it means to them. These pictures serve as a jumping-off point so parents can not only discuss what's important to them, but also how to achieve these goals.
And I promise, this last picture? This family had a lovely hospital waterbirth with a midwife -- and no ninjas were needed.
In honor of our men and women who have served in our military, today's post shares the story of one family's birth experience when Dad couldn't make it home from his Air Force assignment. Using technology, Dad was able to participate via Skype, and he still had his leave 2 weeks later so this new family did have time together before Dad had to return to service.
When Lloyd got his orders and was leaving for the middle east, I was newly, newly pregnant. We knew this might happen. We made the decision to start a family anyway. This was Lloyd's second tour to the middle east. He had good expectations of what to expect, and so did I.
I have been used to being home while he is away. We were engaged shortly before his basic training. As I said, he had been gone before. We had good ways of communicating. We would email and we tried to Skype once a week if not more than that. A friend on base suggested a doula. She said there was something military moms found helpful called Operation Special Delivery where trained women would help military families, especially if the father was away. I got a list of doulas from the Beale Pediatric Clinic and started calling around. I found my doula and she was about an hour from base, but it seemed like it would work. After all, my husband was due to have some R&R around my due date, and the plan was he would come home then. My doctor was open to inducing us so Lloyd could be there at the birthing.
My doula and I would meet so she could give me childbirth classes and help me with things I wanted to know. Once we even Skyped with Lloyd so it was almost like a a regular visit with mom and dad and doula, lol. I was feeling ready. I had things mostly ready at home. I was excited to have my baby and have Lloyd home!
Lloyd was schedule to come near my due date on June 17th. I woke up the morning of June 4th thinking I had wet the bed. I realized my water had broken. It was about 4:30 am and I wasn't sure what to do! This was not supposed to be! I got calm and quickly called my doula. She said sit tight, call your doctor, and I'm on my way. I did all that, and then I waited.
We got to the hospital at about 8:00. I wasn't really feeling contractions yet but my doctor wanted me to come in. I got an IV and they started a little bit of pitocin. I had trying to get in touch with Lloyd. I was sending him emails and I just hoped maybe he would check before he went to bed. With luck he did. He was able to Skype in and I had my laptop. We had set up the computer in the room so Lloyd could see me and I could see him.
Lloyd was about 11 hours ahead of us and he had a full day already. He was excited though. It took about 8 hours before I was feeling ready to have our baby. I was excited. But suddenly I was feeling something else. I was afraid and nervous. The doctor said I was ready to push, go ahead! But I felt frozen. I really felt I needed Lloyd right there with me. I felt like I was going to panic and I started to cry. My doula hugged me. She asked if I could have a few minutes alone to talk to Lloyd on the computer. It was a funny thing for her to do, but my doctor understood. My doula was going to leave the room, but I asked her to stay at the door while I talked to Lloyd. He just told me we were so close now! He said he was sorry it happened this way but he would be with us soon. He told me he loved me and was so proud of me. After I had a little crying spree, and my doula came back to hold my hand, the nurses and doctors returned. Lloyd was on my little table on the computer screen. My doula was next to me. I started to push.
We moved the table a bit so Lloyd could see our baby be born. My doula ended up behind me on the bed, supporting me as I sat up to push. Our baby came fast once I went through my emotional sadness and fear. We named her Evelyn and she weighed 7 pounds even. It was incredible, and even though my husband wasn't there physically, our doula helped us figure out how to manage things to still have great birth memories and experience. I am so grateful to Operation Special Delivery and to our doula and what they do for military families.
Lloyd, Marin, Evelyn and (new baby!) Jake currently reside in Idaho. Lloyd and Marin had a doula for their second baby, and Lloyd was there for the whole thing. Marin plans to train as a doula to help others in the future.
I am incredibly thrilled to share today’s post. Samantha Morgan is the youngest trained doula I have ever known. She has faced adversity and prejudices, but that hasn’t stopped her from working toward her goals. At 14, I was thinking of boys and music – I certainly didn’t care much about birth and moms’ experiences! It has been inspiring to see Samantha’s passion, and her desire to help families.
I thought both of my doula trainings were amazing (birth & postpartum). I loved my trainers and they were able to bring fun into their trainings and put it on a level where everyone understood. I've been a vet tech for the last two years and I love getting to spend time with clients and I always love helping when an animal comes in with difficulties in labor. When a friend of mine told me about doulas, I couldn't believe there was actually such a thing, I was so excited. I have always loved kids and babies, and I love going above and beyond to help people. Thankfully DONA International doesn't have age restrictions, so I was able to take my trainings at 14, making me the youngest trained doula yet. I was able to graduate high school earlier this year and I'm now eligible to apply for certification having attended 6 births. At 15 (right before my birthday), I took a Lamaze workshop in Houston with The Family Way -- I am the youngest to take it and I plan on certifying in October once I take the exam.
Being young and not having children myself is actually one of my biggest problems (that I don't consider my problem!). Last year I joined in affiliation with another doula business, and after about 3 months, the head doula called me in and said “the other doulas in the group don't feel comfortable having you as back-up since you don't know what women go through having not experienced it yourself. They are also worried, since it seems like you just jumped into the doula carreer, you are not likely to stay in it.” So I was “let go.” I started talking with another doula who was young and childless herself. Together we found, looking down on doulas who have not gone through birth can be a very big problem in the doula community. This led to me create a Facebook group strictly for those doulas 25 and under who don’t have children.
I have never been turned down to be someone's doula. My clients always comment on loving my beliefs and personality. The local Midwife loves me, as I her, and she loves the fact that when I go to a birth, hospital or home, I'm dedicated to stay with my client no matter what. I have pulled all-nighter all the way to 3 nights with no sleep. Why? Because it's not my birth, I have plenty of time to sleep later. I was given great advice by one of my trainers to not freely give out my age. Of course if I'm asked I do tell, but you don't see it on my web page or in write-ups.
My main client base comes from literally all directions. I normally find myself traveling for births. I travel up to 2 hours away. I suppose most of my clients are ones who already know how they are wanting to labor or deliver. I make sure my clients have an opportunity to tell, express, and fight for what they are wanting -- whether that be natural, medicated, or even upside down, I support my clients 110%. My clients choose me because of my heart, not because of my life experience. I love working with clients to find an affordable price, to find what they need, what I can do, even the smallest things, to be able to help them. I'm always there for my clients, and I don't need to ever step away to make a phone call to check on kids, a babysitter or husband. I'm devoted and educated. I know the most recent research and facts that have been proven so that the client can make informed decisions immediately.
I love my job, my clients and everything in between. I don't worry about what client I will have next; my personal motto is that God will bring me what I need. He has never failed me. Often clients come from people I meet -- car sales man, bosses of expecting employees and such. For example, I needed a car and the salesman’s wife was expecting. He asked what I did, and I get the opportunity to share my passion. Guess what? He wants a doula for his wife. What an amazing divine appointment! I never let the strikes against me bring me down or discourage me; God will bring me exactly what I need and not a second too soon.
I am a DONA trained Birth and Postpartum Doula. I attended my Birth workshop in March 2013 along with a Childbirth Education Class and a Lactation Class (all DONA Approved). In April 2013 I attended my Postpartum Workshop. I'm currently working on my DONA certification. In April 2014, I attended a Lamaze Childbirth Educator Workshop and I'm looking forward to becoming certified in the late fall.
I believe every woman is empowered to give birth her way, naturally and confidently. My mission is to provide doula care and supply expecting parents with the information and education they need for pregnancy, labor, childbirth and the postpartum period. I want to give parents the loving support and encouragement they need during this special time.
For more information, visit my website, my Facbook page, or find me on Twitter.
Last summer, with a new baby and living in a new place, I felt the desire to gather with doula sisters. I offered to meet with doulas in different areas and share how I helped set up the Chico Doula Circle. A handful of doulas in Modesto (a few hours north of me) were interested. It was lovely meeting all these ladies. They were already thinking about creating a doula group, and this was a chance to hear how it worked in Chico -- the basics of putting it together and keeping it going.
These women have true synergy and passion. It was exciting to see their ideas flowing as we came together as doulas. Months later I was thrilled to see the birth of their doula group and excited for what they have to offer area families. If you know anyone who is pregnant in the Modesto area, I would whole-heartedly recommend Rebecca, Teri, Jennifer, and Melissa. Be sure to check their website for service areas -- they do expand beyond Modesto.
The Modesto Doula Group states "We believe all women deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and to have educational, physical, and emotional support throughout pregnancy and the transition into the postpartum period. We respect a women's right and ability to make informed decisions about her care and that of her baby."
How did such a diverse group of women come together? They are united by passion and belief, and committed to combining their varied skills to best serve expectant families. By meeting prenatally with families they get to know their clients. Each doula has a 12-hour span of time where she is on-call for a birth. This enables each doula to be rested and ready for whatever support a family requires. Beyond the initial connection between doulas and the desire to work together, preparation and behind-the-scenes business to figure out logisitics takes a great amount of energy and time -- because it isn't seen it is easy to think these kinds of groups just come together. That is not so. There needs to be ample communication, some give-and-take, and a plan that suits not only the doulas as professionals, but also the families they serve.
And then, a doula group is born! For more information about creating a doula group, contact these ladies, or contact me -- we all love helping our doula sisters find ways to gain more satisfaction from their work.
♥ four young boys and a boy dog (offspring)